Lesson learnt from ‘walking a mile in the character’s moccasins'

Recently, I read ‘Hero’ a young adult literature written by S.L.Rotten. I really feel it is a great book with few great messages in it. Even though the book is mainly focused on the young adult’s - the protagonist cum the narrator- problems, I do feel that the message in the book ‘gets’ to me as well.
The role of Mrs. Walker as a good, understanding and caring teacher do make me reflect on myself as a teacher. She is portrayed as someone whom Sean, the protagonist seems to respect. She is not just his English teacher in class but she listens and always advises him to be a good student. She also visits him when he is doing his community service at Mr. Hassler ranch and when he is in the hospital. The question I’ve asked myself “Am I anything like Mrs. Walker?” I know that she is just an imaginary character in the book but I am sure there are many teachers like her out there in this world. To be frank, the answer is ‘no’. I am nothing like her. I am an English teacher who teach according to what is given to me in the syllabus. My concern is more on to cover the syllabus content and to make sure my students understood what I have taught them and more importantly, are able to answer the exam questions. Unlike Mrs. Walker, my time and concern about my students are just when they are in class or in school, between 8 am to 4 pm, from Monday to Friday. If I sense my student is facing other than the academic (my subject to be precise) problem, I don’t really try to dig into it in detail, what I usually do is to send him or her to see the counselor or the disciplinary board. Where students are concern, I am not a good listener. I don’t like to drag myself into their life, their problem. I strongly feel that it’s a job of a counselor. Counselors are trained and paid to listen and attend to problems, while teachers are trained to impart knowledge. I am doing to the best of my ability, to do just that. After all, I feel that my students are big enough to know what’s right or wrong.

However, having read ‘Hero’, I gain an insight of myself and also the insight of my students, who really need guidance and second chance. I feel that I need to change, to be a more ‘rounded’ teacher. Even though this is not something new, – to be a caring teacher – I have yet to practice it. I think it’s high time for me to love my students more. True, they are big enough physically but cognitively they are still not mature – they are in the midst of looking for guidance to lead them to the right path. From now on, I’ll not just put myself in my students’ shoes but -as I quote what my literature lecturer said -“try to even walk in the shoes” to better understand the students. I believe this is going to be ‘win-win’ situation. On my part, perhaps, I’ll be appreciated more not just for the knowledge but for being another human being!

Big Brother is watching you!

The novel which has brought quite a remarkable impact on me when I was a student is George Orwell, ‘Nineteen eighty-four’.

I still remember this story very well because it really goes into my heart- my system. Nineteen eighty-four is a political satire. The book was written in 1940s and the author predicted or imagined what would happen in the year 1984. It is a story of a totalitarian state (right after a war) that eliminates all opposition. In the forefront of the Party stands Big Brother, a figure of almost mythical power who always seems to watch whatever anyone is doing. At every corner on the wall, there will be posters of ‘big brother’ with the caption ‘Big Brother is watching you’. Buildings too are equipped with sort of cc camera and ‘telescreen’ which could not be shut completely. Any wrong doings, meaning not abiding by the rules that had been set by ‘Big Brother’ will be tortured or brain-washed. The story focuses on the protagonist, Winston Smith. The story of his rebellion against the Party, of his hatred of Big Brother, and of the thought crime which resulted in his destruction. Apparently he was not killed, but like many others, he was brutally tortured until he confesses that he loves Big Brother.

This story has strong effect on me in the sense that after reading it I was really grateful to live in Malaysia, in a democratic country (not in a totalitarian state or the socialist country) where I am free to do anything I wish. There’s no ‘Big brother’ watching every movement I make.
While reading the book , I felt like myself as part of the people in the book. I had the feeling of being so scared and worried of what was going to happen next. I was also deeply touched with the people who were captured by the so called ‘thought-police’
(under cover) knowing that they would later be tortured severely and brain-washed until they confess of their full obedient for big brother.
Throughout the book too, I was sort of always praying for the protagonist and his girlfriend - so as for them not to be caught by the ‘thought police’. Eventually, it did bring tears to my eyes when he was caught and never was himself again.

my ancient passion

When I was a teenager, my favorite author was Denise Robins. She wrote romance novel. None of her books had ever disappointed me. I remember always ‘burning the midnight candle’ just to finish up her books( which I seldom did for my school textbooks). Once I got hold of Denise Robins books, that was it. I would not feel easy spending time with friends until I had finished reading up the book. I studied at a boarding school in Kuantan, I remember always took her books to my night self- revision class, and covered it with the school text underneath to avoid the inspecting warden from taking it away. I also had my meals with the book next to my plate. That was how fascinated I was with Denise Robins. I did read ‘Mills and Boons’ series too but not all authors really pleased me.

I loved her books so much because the flow of her story was so exciting. It was a sort of book where one would curiously look forward to what’s going to happen next. Most of her stories were about ancient time, stories which most of them taken place in England (some Australia & also USA – for intercultural and intercontinental sake) The protagonists were usually the aristocrats (the ‘lord’, The duke, the duchess etc) . Apart from being rich, they were also depicted as ‘tall, dark and handsome’ and the heroines were beautiful, kind,(but sometimes not so fortunate). I guess I liked her books so much because it managed to bring tears to her eyes. So many sad things happened to the young lovers. Most of her books ended with happy ending (which brought happiness and satisfied me a lot!). There were few books, however, ended with the death of the protagonist which eventually brought prolonged tears and dissatisfaction to me. (come to think of it, I wonder if I still like to read this type of ancient setting love stories – I don’t think so! )

After finished reading her book, I would start to look for another. That was how strong Denise Robins books to me. I collected quite a member of her books but unfortunately some of them were destroyed - eaten by termite at my mother’s wooden house. I used to lock myself in my room reading the books, even refused to help my mother cooking in the kitchen because I was so hooked on the books! My parents (whom I always thought then as being ‘old-fashioned’ thinkers!) did not like us (my sisters and I) to read love stories. They, of course preferred us to read our schools textbooks which we seldom did.
(no wonder my sisters and I ended up as language teachers rather than engineers).

when my mind speaks....

When we got our time table for the second module (Masters in TESL programme UPM) and as I scanned through, my anxiety level suddenly went up. Oh no… EDU 5276 Teaching young adult literature…I think this is going to be a very tough subject for me.Teaching Literature? I don’t know. I have never taught literature before (I did learn literature during my school days and also at tertiary level- but I was never good at it). I don’t really like the ‘playing with words’ style. I am not good with metaphor, personification, and what not. It’s just not me.

I love reading story books (especially the romance novel when I was a teenager)but I don’t go deeper than reading to know what the story is all about. Of course, I don’t really read poem (except the ones which were made compulsory for us during my studies). It’s just not that appealing to me. I guess it’s more because of my failure to understand what it means (or perhaps because I’ve never tried to make an attempt to understand it). I was a science stream student. I always go for fact, for the denotation meaning. I do not bother to interpret connotation meaning which had always been a problem to me when I did literature during my schooldays.

But anyway, this year, I’m all set for it. I’m prepared to appreciate literature more.( I know somewhere there’s a Shakespeare in me). I’ll let it out. I’m ready to learn. Perhaps I found it difficult because I have never given it a chance.

I need to change my mindset and think ‘beautifully’ about literature this time. I guess there’s nothing to lose. After all, life itself is an art- a beautiful thing. (I ready need to think positive in order to lower my anxiety level and get through the subject successfully. amin.)